Question:
What symptoms did your cocaine abuse cause? Submit Your Comment
I have been a heavy user of cocaine over 8 years now, taking it nearly every day now. I have it on my own, I suffer depression, anxiety panic attacks, and phobia, never go out or socialize anymore, let myself go, lost bond with kids, feel isolated, lonely, and scared. I feel I am 2 different people; a monster inside me wakes up for cocaine, I sell myself sometimes, cash for sex, so I get cocaine every night. That’s all I think about; where I am to find more cash to get another bag. My nose has a hole so bad I can put the whole of my finger in, feel bones of jaw and cheekbone. My throat dries up so bad I gag for breath, when coke sticks to my vocal chords it takes away my voice till I can cough ok. I blow scabs out every day to clear my nose, my eyes water all the time and I think my right side face has actually dropped. My eyes are not the same as each other, one has drooped down a bit, and my fingers on my left hand are constantly numb. I am scared I will die soon. I am 45 years old and ashamed of myself. I hate myself so much I want to die.
I am 47, and I am in disbelief that I am doing this cocaine abuse, that I judged harshly others for. I have chronic pain and doctors don’t help. I have to work through major pain. On my feet 9 hours a day, no break, and nothing else works, or I am allergic. And I just was diagnosed with CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder). In spite of my knowledge! And life skills. I have a psychology degree and years of therapy. Still I have that and I can’t control or stop its effects. I get triggered nightmares etc., breathe through triggers and snow to feel like myself.
To everybody out there who suffers with cocaine abuse, you will make it you will survive. Nobody believes me when I tell them what I've been through, it's not funny, but I'm not going to say it because anyway most people think I'm making up everything; that's how horrible it has been for me. It's literally like a nightmare; yeah, I'm alive. If I can do it you can do it. I've had a liver transplant and addiction issues and things go on and on from there. Please be by each other, no love-hate, only love people.
